NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
The linebackers still play like the old regime is watching — an 8, tied for third on the board. The 7.5 running back is the last of the old guard. Everything else grades like a rebuild that hasn't told its fan base yet: an offense at 13, a rookie-priced quarterback I graded 5.5, and a vibes read living entirely off one gold-jacket era. That dome used to be the loudest building in the sport. My file says the tenants changed.
The Four Factors
Each factor is normalized 0–100 across the league — 100 is first, 0 is dead last — then weighted into the 19.9. Weights are the same for all 32 teams: defense 35, offense 30, history 20, coaching 15.
DEFENSE
× 35%Bottom five. The heaviest-weighted factor in my math, and this is where the composite went to die.
OFFENSE
× 30%Bottom five. The roster sheet below is short on names and shorter on teeth.
HISTORY
× 20%Mid-pack. Under a steep table and a 6-year half-life, half this league rounds toward zero; this file floats on its vibes read.
COACHING
× 15%Bottom third. Fourth-and-short is treated as a threat instead of an invitation.
The Unit Room
The raw grades behind the factors — my dawg read on each unit group, 1 to 10, with its weight inside the defense factor and where it ranks among the 32. Defense is graded by unit group this season, not player-by-player — per-player cap-hit weighting arrives when the final 2026 cap tables settle. Said loudly on the main board, said loudly here.
The Roster Sheet
Every Saint on the frozen ADP board — the market's price next to my dawg read. The two numbers were never allowed to meet: I scored the player blind, then ADP told me how much of the offense rides on him. That firewall is the whole method. Names that link go to that player's file in the prop room; the rest don't have one yet.
| ADP | PLAYER | POS | DAWG |
|---|---|---|---|
| 21.2 | Chris Olave | WR | 5.5 / 10 |
| 38.8 | Travis Etienne Jr.FILE → | RB | 6.0 / 10 |
| 84.1 | Jordyn TysonFILE → | WR | 6.5 / 10 |
| 143.9 | Tyler ShoughFILE → | QB | 5.5 / 10 |
| 144.1 | Juwan Johnson | TE | 6.0 / 10 |
| 155.2 | Alvin Kamara | RB | 7.5 / 10 |
Alvin Kamara (7.5/10) is the alpha grade on this sheet.
Where the Paper Rides
The season-long ledger lives on the main board and grades itself all year. Here is the Saints' part in it, breed against breed.
SAINTS VS THE LADDER
| OPPONENT'S BREED | ROTTWEILER | GOLDEN RETR. | GREYHOUND | COCKER SPAN. |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| THE PLAY | 3 UNITS · OPPONENT | 2 UNITS · OPPONENT | 1 UNIT · OPPONENT | NO PLAY |
The arithmetic is unkind: whenever the Saints meet a bigger breed, the paper is on the other side — one, two, or three units by the size of the gap. Spaniel-on-Spaniel, nobody plays. The rating is locked; if this team has more fight than I graded, the ledger will be the first to admit it. I'll be the second.